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Writing Home With Ease Dear Parents,
I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.
Please send me:
__ Money Cash Amount: _____ __ Food Cookies Dozens: _____ __ Clean clothes!
Relationships:
__ What? __ I am in love with myself. __ I am in love! __ I am engaged. __ I got married last weekend.
My Roommate:
__ Worships the ground I walk on. __ Gave me a black eye. __ Committed suicide and left a note blaming me. __ Has fleas.
My Professors are:
__ Sadistic water walkers. __ Mental institution escapees. __ Brain dead nerds. __ Super oxygen thieves.
Latest News:
__ I wrecked the car. __ I can't use your credit card because I exceeded the credit limit. __ You are going to have a grandchild. __ False alarm--you aren't going to have a grandchild.
Food:
__ Is great! __ Even makes me appreciate your cooking __ I have had pizzas and soda for the last twenty meals. __ I stopped eating out of fear.
Grades:
__ I am making all A's __ I am not being properly challenged __ I will be home after this semester __ I never knew they had a letter grade below F
I study:
__ Night and day __ All the time __ Eighty hours a week __ Only on Sunday afternoon __ None of the above
Daily Devotions:
__ I read my Bible everyday __ I can't read __ Someone stole my Bible while I was at the local bar
On my last visit home, I left:
__ My glasses. __ My paper that was due yesterday. __ The clothes you washed for me. __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment. __ Other ____________________________.
Please send above items by FedEx Priority One or UPS Blue.
Laundry:
__ My white underwear is now _______. __ I am saving money by not using detergent. __ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester. __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains.
My room:
__ Can pass your "white glove" test. __ Is only ___% full. __ Could not be located last Saturday night. __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training.
Parties:
__ I don't inhale __ I only go to meet people __ Haven't been to one since this morning.
Hope you:
__ Miss me __ Can live without me __ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence
Salutation:
__ Your Daughter, __ Your Son,
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