"We need to talk." - "I'm pregnant"

"I had a wonderful time last night." - "Who the hell are you?"

"I've been thinking a lot." - "You're not as attractive when I was drunk"

"I've learned a lot from you." - "Next."

"I want a commitment." - "I'm sick of masturbation"

"I have something to tell you." - "Get tested."

"I'm a romantic." - "I'm poor"

"I never meant to hurt you." - "I thought you weren't a virgin."

"Trust me." - "Let's just keep this between you and me, pumpkin."

"I love you." - "God, what have I gotten myself into?"

"I think we should just be friends." - "You're ugly"

"Haven't I seen you before?" - " Nice ass"

"Was it good for you?" - "I'm insecure about my manhood"

"I think we should see other people." - "I have been seeing other people"

"Let's get married." - "Does that mean we can do it now?"

"We don't have to do anything until you're ready." - "Put out or get out."

"I still think about you." - "I miss the sex."

"Is there something wrong?" - "Is it supposed to be this soft?"

"You're so mature." - "I hope you're eighteen."

"Yes...Yes...(scream!)." - "Aren't you done yet?"