So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day
Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.

My tire was thumping
I thought it was flat
when I looked at the tire
I noticed your cat... Sorry!

You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

You've announced that you're gay,
won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

Heard your wife left you
How upset you must be
But don't fret about it
She moved in with me.

You totaled your car
and can't remember why
could it have been
that case of Bud Dry?